Nicolas So Cozy

Nicolas Sarkozy has never looked so cozy...

The Breakfast Bunch

Here's a picture I made. It's kind of an allegory for sandwich making in the hood.

Naval Gazing

Naval fluff amazes me. ‘Why?’ ‘How?!’ Lately I’ve been able to present my girlfriend with some pretty hefty blue balls of lint thanks to a new T-shirt of mine – she’s not so enthusiastic. I started to get less mysterious about it when I realised it nearly all came off my T-shirt. Bright blue shirt – bright blue fluff. Easy.

But according to Dr. Karl Kruszelnicki (an evil supervillian’s name if ever I heard one) and his ‘systematic survey’ I’m wrong! Based out of the University of Sydney in Australia, his findings, amongst many, were that ‘contrary to expectations’ navel lint appears to migrate upwards from underwear rather than downwards from shirts or tops due to frictional drag of body hair on underwear.

This sir, I will not swallow and hopefully you will join me in petitioning for the return of his 2002 Ig Nobel Prize for Interdisciplinary Research. However one of my favourite statements on the matter is this:

‘The most disturbing story to emerge from the survey concerned a woman who used her brother's electric toothbrush to clean her exposed belly button, causing him to develop a fungal infection in his mouth. ‘

Possibly a contributing factor to why hairless women don’t get naval fluff.

I’m also quite willing to accept his theory that ‘Navel lint's characteristic blue-gray tint is likely the averaging of the colours of fibres present in clothing; the same colour as clothes dryer lint.’

Clever guy.
So let’s compare one time-wasting, resource-hogging layabout with another. How long can one man (almost exclusively apparently) play around in their belly button? According to Graham Barker, 25 years and counting. Finally someone from the street who’s actually on the frontline of this matter!

The depth of Graham's blog and his personal research is almost nauseating.

But even Barker admits, ‘...that there were still mysteries surrounding the origins of belly button fluff.‘ Added with the fact that his website has been garnered with 'useless site of the week' I persevered. A personal highlight is his '2005-7 fluff displayed as a stereo pair' (Best enjoyed using the 3D cross-eye method).




Actually, on even further inspection the extra-curricular activities of this obsessive, beard hording, God-fearing hospital worker is becoming increasingly amazing in my expectations.



To conclude, Graham proverbially rams the Ig Noble prize down Dr. Kruszelnicki's throught when he states:

'The fluff I collect is always the same colour... I almost never wear red clothing, so where does the red fluff come from?'

To learn more on this subject see Graham's research or ask in at any well stocked haberdashers.

Introducing the World's Funniest Chair...

Mainly included this because I spent a bit too long researching the perfect chair for the new version of the website. That's right a new website! One that works!

Kenny Has A Problem...

Can We Have Vigo the Carpathian Please?

If we could ever afford it, we've always said that we want the original painting of Vigo the Carpathian (aka The Scourge of Carpathia, The Sorrow of Moldavia, Vigo the Cruel, Vigo the Torturer, Vigo the Despised, and Vigo the Unholy) from Ghostbusters II hanging in our lobby just to really mess with anyone who entered. Turns out it sucks to be us. Lucas(F)Arts got there first like a bunch of dweebs... Idiots.

And, like, who the hell would want to have the original Slimer animatronics anyway! Sigh... Losers! Guess we'll just have to settle for the Scoleri Brothers... Friends of yours?

Other poor-ass substitutes would be this, or even this. Maybe I can just conspire with a bunch of other nutters that there's actually a few other copies out there. Maybe I'm just going to have to hustle over there with a black balaclava and a cricket bat with George's name on it.

Guess the Celebrity - Al Coholic-Stenchboom?

Guess the Celebrity - Wellanger Hunchtill?

I'm not going to lie, I quite like this one.

Guess the Celebrity - Bo Del Brickbrush?

Ever wanted to look at pictures which when said out loud sound like a celebrity's name phonetically? Great! I'll start you off on an easy one.

... Jeff Goldblum

Thanks Pencil, Thpencil

Now's as good as any time to make a little dedication to my favourite pencil. His name is 'Old Blue'. We met about 2 years ago in a cold student flat in the middle Edinburgh, he was hanging out with some other mechanical pencil buddies his previous owner had obsessively collected inside a meticulous stationary draw. We got along great, but after a while his nobbliness really starting to bite into me. After a while things started to get pretty bad, so I jammed a couple of pen grips over him. We had our rows, but after going through some highs and lows, we've been trough some pretty amazing stuff, and I'll never regret a moment. Thanks Pencil. Thpencil.

Ian's also got a clever little extendable pen we call 'Classy Clive'. It's non-gender specific, well more vague really. Tom generally just writes with his own blood, he's passionate like that, so... 'Tom' would be the accurate thing to put on his census form I suppose.

P.S. If you're reading Steve Wright, can I have 'Can't Live if Living is Without You' by Harry Nilsson. Anything else that makes me want to bleed with clichéd insincerity is fine too. Does he still do that Sunday show? I don't know.

She Isn't an Energy Saver

Here's a boredom doodle courtesy of my brainhole.

How Many Japanese Businessmen Can You Fit On A Train?...

...Dead or Alive?

Well that's it, it's official. Humanity is officially too ill to survive. And to think I get narked being in town on a Saturday.

Stool Peril

Ian broke out a pen and showed the white board who's boss the other day. Here's a nice iconic fancy that I cleaned up... I call him Hamish Giffins. What do you christen him?

Coming soon!... Double Stool Peril!

Thunk

It's all Greek innit.

Happenstance Dance

Here's what happens if you happen by chance to do the Happenstance Dance.

R.I.P Danny DeVito