How to be Halloween Fabulous

Everyone likes to dress up now and again. Some people prefer to keep their dressing-up habits private, and that's fine. But once every year, thanks to a frankly ludicrous American tradition, we're given the opportunity to go all out and dress as something fanciful. Yes, it's Halloween. My only problems with Halloween are that a) It doesn't mean anything, b) Most people can't be bothered, and c) When people do bother, it's always the same old costume every time.

Admittedly, some people do put the effort in, but they're in the minority. To help, I have come up with some dressing-up ideas to inspire you this Halloween. Feel free to steal, improve or ignore these suggestions.

1. The Traditional
You know the ones. Dracula, Frankenstein, witch... the classics. But be warned, even proven costumes can go very, very wrong. Firstly, all you Dracula fans. Please don't go half-arsed with your costume. If you're going to be the Prince of Darkness, make sure you look the part. Slick that hair back, get a decent cape (preferably with red lining) and work on that Romanian accent.

Also, Frankenstein. Firstly, you're Frankenstein's monster, not Frankenstein. Unless you go as a mad professor called Frankenstein, then a tip of the hat is in order.

2. The Topical
Probably the most annoying costume, but potentially the best. Mix a topical figure into a classic and you could be onto a winner. Last year everyone was dressed as Amy Winehouse mixed with the bride of Frankenstein ('s monster). That was boring after the first one, so be inventive. Don't go as Michael Jackson. I know a guy that went as a Zombie Rick Astley to a party. That was pretty good.

Or you could think of something slightly off the beaten track, like say, going as Bubbles the monkey. Think about it. A lost monkey, that once belonged to MJ, that is now alone, roaming the streets, rabidly looking for it's dead master, is creepy as hell.

3. The Controversial
This is a spin-off from the Topical and can go either way. Either you get away with it and it's funny, or you are the single most offensive person in the room, and possibly the world.

These are often inspired by things in the news. The most extreme suggestion I've ever heard was to dress as Baby P. But that's too fucked up. You might get away with a Jade Goody, but only just. Kerry Katona is still alive, so by all accounts, is fair game. Any over-enthusiasm for the drink at the bash will then only add to your adopted persona saving yourself much embarrassment.

4. The Reference

One for the geeks. Go as a retro movie character or something so obscure, you have to explain your costume to EVERYONE. I'm not even going to suggest anything here because there are geekier people than me out there that would put my ideas to shame. Leave some ideas in the comments for us.

5. The Gore
This is a niche, but an effective one. If you fail to come up with a cohesive costume, just crack out the fake blood and get creative. I want to see gashes in heads, bones sticking out, missing fingers, anything as long as it looks like you've been fed through a threshing machine and survived. Always impressive, but remember, EVERYONE will know how long it's taken you to put your masterpiece together. Highly uncool.

So there you go. I hope that helped. Get a party together and embrace the dressing-up box. Everyone should have one.