How to be Halloween Fabulous

Everyone likes to dress up now and again. Some people prefer to keep their dressing-up habits private, and that's fine. But once every year, thanks to a frankly ludicrous American tradition, we're given the opportunity to go all out and dress as something fanciful. Yes, it's Halloween. My only problems with Halloween are that a) It doesn't mean anything, b) Most people can't be bothered, and c) When people do bother, it's always the same old costume every time.

Admittedly, some people do put the effort in, but they're in the minority. To help, I have come up with some dressing-up ideas to inspire you this Halloween. Feel free to steal, improve or ignore these suggestions.

1. The Traditional
You know the ones. Dracula, Frankenstein, witch... the classics. But be warned, even proven costumes can go very, very wrong. Firstly, all you Dracula fans. Please don't go half-arsed with your costume. If you're going to be the Prince of Darkness, make sure you look the part. Slick that hair back, get a decent cape (preferably with red lining) and work on that Romanian accent.

Also, Frankenstein. Firstly, you're Frankenstein's monster, not Frankenstein. Unless you go as a mad professor called Frankenstein, then a tip of the hat is in order.

2. The Topical
Probably the most annoying costume, but potentially the best. Mix a topical figure into a classic and you could be onto a winner. Last year everyone was dressed as Amy Winehouse mixed with the bride of Frankenstein ('s monster). That was boring after the first one, so be inventive. Don't go as Michael Jackson. I know a guy that went as a Zombie Rick Astley to a party. That was pretty good.

Or you could think of something slightly off the beaten track, like say, going as Bubbles the monkey. Think about it. A lost monkey, that once belonged to MJ, that is now alone, roaming the streets, rabidly looking for it's dead master, is creepy as hell.

3. The Controversial
This is a spin-off from the Topical and can go either way. Either you get away with it and it's funny, or you are the single most offensive person in the room, and possibly the world.

These are often inspired by things in the news. The most extreme suggestion I've ever heard was to dress as Baby P. But that's too fucked up. You might get away with a Jade Goody, but only just. Kerry Katona is still alive, so by all accounts, is fair game. Any over-enthusiasm for the drink at the bash will then only add to your adopted persona saving yourself much embarrassment.

4. The Reference

One for the geeks. Go as a retro movie character or something so obscure, you have to explain your costume to EVERYONE. I'm not even going to suggest anything here because there are geekier people than me out there that would put my ideas to shame. Leave some ideas in the comments for us.

5. The Gore
This is a niche, but an effective one. If you fail to come up with a cohesive costume, just crack out the fake blood and get creative. I want to see gashes in heads, bones sticking out, missing fingers, anything as long as it looks like you've been fed through a threshing machine and survived. Always impressive, but remember, EVERYONE will know how long it's taken you to put your masterpiece together. Highly uncool.

So there you go. I hope that helped. Get a party together and embrace the dressing-up box. Everyone should have one.

A Little Lie Down

As a little treat, here are Robert Popper's silly phone calls that he introduced live at the last Popcorn Comedy. If you don't already know, Popper's alter-ego is Robin Cooper, author of the utterly brilliant Timewaster Letters books. The first clip is a phone call to Sky TV maintenance guy. He's very patient. Have a listen.



The next two vids are Popper doing his '65% good' (his words) impression of Margaret Thatcher calling the House of Lords about her lost bag. Enjoy.





If you get a call from Maggie Thatcher, I'd advise you ask if it's Robert Popper first. It'll save you a lot of time.

Popcorn = Fun

We took a swift trip down to the capital on Monday to go to our new favourite comedy night Popcorn Comedy. On the menu was live stand up from Holly Walsh, Josie Long, Robert Popper and Peter Serafinowicz plus a load of hilarious videos from around the net.

For all our excitement we'd almost entirely forgotten we were screening anything ourselves at Popcorn. So, when the words 'Dice Productions' shimmered across the huge screen at the Tabernacle in Notting Hill as the first film up we were almost surprised.

It was very satisfying to see Message in a Bottle on a big screen again in front of such a big crowd (including famous faces like David Walliams, Graham Linehan and Edgar Wright no less). It was even better to hear the eruption of laughter when the bottle smashes into poor old Melvin's crumpled face. Poppy, the animated popcorn tub host, even chided us on our frivolous waste of perfectly good wine. And rightly so.

After that good start the quality was maintained with Holly's observational lovliness and a film about why she never became a hand model, and Josie's presentation/lecture about a man and his devotion to breakfasts which was particularly splendid.

The videos were all great with the VMA People's Choice Award-winning CGI-brows by Rocket Sausage, Second Date by Joni Browne and Misery Bear by Nat Saunders and Chris Hayward (a.k.a Worm Hotel) standing out as highlights. I also loved seeing Doc Brown's dressage-inspired rap video again and subsequently can't wait to see him – as well as Holly – live at the next Popcorn Comedy in Birmingham.

Robert Popper gave everyone a dose of Robin Cooper's wonderfully silly phonecalls (including an amazingly patient Sky customer service man and a 65% good Maggie Thatcher impression – and Peter Serafinowicz rounded off the night with a cracking set as 1969-era Paul McCartney. If you missed it, don't fret, videos for his songs are currently in production at Funny or Die.

We also met a load of new people we know through Twitter and caught up with Julian and Gus from Kipple/Youpigs as well as meeting FoD head James Serafinowicz and Holly for the first time.

Big thanks to Jon for inviting us down and showing our stuff, as well as putting on a great show.
Our man in the field Chris went as far as describing the night as "the best £7 I've spent in London in a long time", and I'm inclined to believe him.

Roll on Popcorn Birmingham! To buy tickets, click this link HERE.

Dice x

Thunk

It's all Greek innit.

Running Wild - Part I

After finishing all five seasons of 'The Wire' and an end to the long cycle of weddings and numerous preceding stag does, I have found there is a void in the 'hobby' section of my life. The highly personal goal that everyone apparently needs to keep them fulfilled as a functioning human being, or at least to have something to lord it up over acquaintances and homeless people alike. So what have I found to keep me off a life of violent crime, the Tour de France? The Gloucester cheese rolling competition? Speed balling? Close but no cigar, I've enlisted in the most prestigious sporting event of our generation, the 2009 Birmingham Half Marathon.

In case you were wondering, that's thirteen whole English miles, 21 European kilometres or a staggering 42,000 half metres. In essence, it's quite far. To make life more difficult for myself I've also set a target of finishing the race in under two hours (the duration of around two episodes of the wire). This seemed to make complete sense at the time, until I signed up that is and I was struck by the sheer insignificance of my task when put into the context of human existence. Moments of soul searching followed and resulted in a serious rethink of my strategy in which I found my motivation; I have to win it.

You heard me right, I'm going to win the EDF Birmingham half-marathon 2009 on the eleventh of October. Apart from the glorious kudos one would receive from the small Birmingham based papers for winning, the champion also walks (or runs!) away with a handsome sum of pocket wedge, in the region of £30,000. For a man who's strapped for cash that's a hell of a lot of mullah, so it therefore stands to reason that my ambition to win far outstretches those doing it for reasons of health, charity or professional competition. I want thirty grand ergo I will run faster, it really is that simple. Just look at Paula Radcliffe, I'm pretty sure she doesn't just piss in the street for the fun of it.

I also have an ace up my sleeve, surprise! If you were to think of runners you would usually conjure up images of tall and slender individuals who can run for days with their veloceraptor like strides. I on the other hand am short, wide and indifferent. However I intend to flip reverse this disadvantage that nature has given me and turn it into an... good thing, by using my stature to nudge the more waif-like competitors out of contention in a Ben Hur chariot race sort of style. I'm unsure as to the rules on the use of physical contact/violence in long distance running, but I figure that a moderate/severe jostling of fellow runners may escape the glare of the dreaded marathon police.

So there you have it, physically, mentally and logistically I am prepared for victory (Disappointment training features later on). I shall update regularly with my progress, thoughts and running related paraphernalia. Wish me luck.

Happenstance Dance

Here's what happens if you happen by chance to do the Happenstance Dance.

R.I.P Danny DeVito